Posted by Hope

We are well over two-thirds of the way into our crockpot stew of five years for blending family flavors.  We’re often reminded that the passage of time does not remove awkward situations, conflicted feelings and competition for affection.  To our credit, we’ve survived almost four years intact and that’s beating most re-marriage statistics.  It hasn’t been easy, but each day, we both show up for more.

Miracles have happened in the few years since we walked the aisle. Bonafide, real life, miracles.  I have been breathless with fear and breathless with joy.  Step-families aren’t for sissies folks.  There are a LOT of us out there and more on the way according to statistics.  I’m a big fan of promoting health and authenticity in our lives rather than slinking into the background covered with shame.  You are brave because you’ve survived! Be courageous and embrace what you’ve signed on to.  You have the capacity to change the lives of those looking on.

I’d like to suggest three items to pack in your bag for you blending warriors out there:

1. A mirror.  A glimpse of yourself in just the right moment, can bring perspective that will keep you from saying something you regret.  We tend to see the fault in others much faster than ourselves.  Emotions run high in our closest relationships and can cause reactions that only compound hurt.  Understanding that each of us filter the intentions of others through our past experience, goes a long way to listening better and responding rationally. Suggestion:  Trade your balancing scale for a mirror.
2. A seat belt.  It has been said, “Seat belts save lives.”  This is true when one decides to remarry.  This is especially true when a remarriage brings children into the mix.  When you made those vows, you went all in.  At least that what those children believe.  You are an example and your options are narrowed to what difference you can make in the life of those coming behind you.  Now you sit down, buckle up and hang on for whatever comes.  Suggestion:  Realize that every time you persist through a hard situation, you earn talking rights.
3. A spoonful of sugar.  Someone has had to forgive you.  At some point you have hurt someone you love.  Yes, even you have been wrong.  It’s true that we tend to prefer our own path to success, but at some point, we need to stop and ask for help.  When our emotions have led us astray and we have made some poor choices that land us with a lapful of regret, it’s usually the thoughtful words of someone we trust that helps bring healing and perspective.  In a marriage, wouldn’t it be refreshing if that someone were your spouse?  When faced with a conversation that has brought a hard truth or dealt a blow, consider how it feels when you’re the one asking for forgiveness. Consider delivering your response with self control and a spoonful of sugar. Suggestion:  There’s a reason why there are so many scriptures about kind words.

These tools are the three biggies I reach for on a regular rotation.  I like what their regular use is developing in me.  May I offer just a small bit of experience to help you as well.

Carry on brave souls!