Author: Hope and Dave

Two Christmases

/ Hope and Dave / Leave a comment

Two Christmases

Posted by Dave

If you’re divorced with children like me, it is likely you have a separation or custody agreement that tells you when your kids will be with you and when they won’t. My copy of this legal paperwork also spells out what will happen with the children on Thanksgiving and Christmas. For me, these holidays rotate. On the years I have them for Thanksgiving, they are with their mother for Christmas. I had them for Thanksgiving this year, which means that we will spend this Christmas without the boys.

This is year #4 for my boys having “Two Christmases”. It is a constant reminder that our family isn’t like it used to be, and that we’ve had to make adjustments to how we celebrate the holidays. It is a constant reminder that we aren’t a “traditional” family. Because my parents divorced, I remember what it felt like to have a Christmas with my Dad, and a Christmas with my Mom. Even though this is becoming normal for our family, I must admit that on the Christmases that the boys aren’t with us, they are missed terribly. A traditional Christmas is all about the kids, from the myth of Santa, to stockings, to waking up early to unwrap presents, to playing with new toys. Nearly every Christmas movie you watch has some element of Christmas that focuses on children.

If you are spending Christmas without your children due to divorce, I’m here to tell you that if you let it, it will send you into a tailspin. You’ll start to feel emptiness, regret, and you’ll be miserable this Christmas. You’ll get angry at the “other” house or your ex-spouse, and you’ll be jealous that they get to spend Christmas with the kids. Not a great way to spend the Christmas holiday, is it?

I’m not an expert on the subject, but I want to encourage anyone who is going through this during the Christmas season. There have been some things that we’ve done in our home to adjust, and to make Christmas special even when it isn’t our year to have the children on December 25th. On the years we don’t have the boys for Christmas, we always have to plan our family Christmas for another time. Depending on where Christmas falls, we will usually do this the weekend before or after December 25th. We work hard to make sure that this day feels special to them, even though it may not be December 25th when we give our gifts. We build the anticipation. We make it exciting. This year, my mother- and father-in-law got into the act, and made a huge deal out of “our Christmas”, which happened to be on December 20th this year. That really made it feel like a special day to us and to the boys. It really is important to start some new traditions like this to make sure your children understand that you will continue make this time of year special for them. If you try hard enough, you’ll be able to identify ways to do this in your situation.

On the bigger picture, there are some other perspective adjustments that you can make to help you if you share your children with another home for Christmas. First of all, don’t get into a competition when it comes to buying gifts. Don’t go into debt to try to outdo their other parent. Trust me, the kids will pick up on that, and eventually could start to use it against you. Also, if the other home is able to buy more expensive gifts than you, the worst thing you can do is dump this on your children. Saying things like “well, it must be nice for them to afford that”, or “if I wasn’t paying them all this child support or alimony, I could buy you that too” is a sure-fire way to make your children feel guilty about the gifts they get from the other house. It is a sure-fire way to make sure that when they’re older and are able to choose who to come visit on Christmas, it will be with reluctance that they choose you. The bottom line is that no matter the circumstances, no matter how painful it is, you must get above it and be happy for your children for the Christmas that they have in the other house.

Another thing that may help is to remember that there are plenty of families this Christmas who would give anything just to hear their child’s voice this Christmas. You may have to wish your kids a Merry Christmas over the phone, but some parents aren’t able to wish their children Merry Christmas at all because they’ve passed away. Remembering this will help you cherish that phone call on Christmas day, and will help you maintain a perspective that keeps you thankful and grateful for what you do have, even if it isn’t “traditional” or “normal”.

Lastly, we don’t make it a secret on this blog about our belief in Jesus Christ. If you read the Bible, you see that Christmas itself is about a child who came to earth as a baby. That same baby grew into a man, and ultimately died on a cross, separated from His Father. Keeping this in mind reminds you that your Heavenly Father knows how you feel. He knows what it is like to let go of His child. If you have to let go of your children this Christmas, do it with the understanding that the One who created you had to let go too. Just as with Jesus and His Father, the hope of Christmas is wrapped in reconciliation. Keep that hope alive this Christmas for your children, no matter the situation.

The “D” Word

/ Hope and Dave / 2 Comments

Posted by Dave

D Block

As I sit here typing this, they’ve just wheeled my wife Hope back for her hysterectomy. The healing from years of struggling with infertility begins for her. Her post from several weeks ago, The M Word, chronicled this journey. She has been hesitant to share her story at times, and understandably so. If there is anything I’ve learned since we’ve been together, women who struggle with infertility deal with a deep sense of hurt and loss. Sometimes it is painful to uncover that, like when you go to the women’s clinic and you’re surrounded by baby and parenting magazines. When Hope and I began discussing marriage several years ago, I told her that I wanted to be there for her to walk through the pain that she still experienced. I had no clue what that meant then, but I now realize that the past six weeks have been that time.

If anyone can have a favorite letter of the alphabet, “D” is my favorite. Lot’s of important things in my life have happened that start with D. David is my first name, and David is my favorite person from the Bible. D is the first letter of divorce, and this seemingly negative word has shaped and changed my life. D is the first letter of my job description and the most honorable title I’ve ever held: DAD. God has blessed me with the opportunity to raise three sons, something that changed the course of my life. I don’t take the responsibility lightly, understanding that God has chosen me to be the one to launch them into manhood.

When Hope and I were dating, we waited three months before we introduced her to my boys. We didn’t take this lightly. Deep down, I wanted to get to know her character to see if I wanted her around my sons. I never take off the “Dad Hat”, so I knew that the woman I chose to have in my life would be responsible for shaping the lives of my sons. I’ll never forget the day that she met my boys. That was the day I knew I wanted her to be my wife. She was a natural with each of them, and over the next several months their response to her confirmed that she was perfectly capable of raising children. Her body didn’t work properly to give her children of her own, yet her motherly instincts are evident in all that she does.

So, not only was I chosen to be a Dad, God also chose me to be Hope’s husband. Meaning that her struggles become my struggles. Meaning that her pain becomes my pain. How do you find the place inside yourself to both be a Dad, and support the one you love who wasn’t able to have children? How do you identify with someone who desperately wanted children but couldn’t have them, and know that you were chosen to be a Dad? These questions have swirled around in my head many times. For me, I’ve discovered the answer to these questions. Another D word: DEVOTION. It is impossible for me to identify with the struggle of infertility. It is impossible for me to put myself in the shoes of someone who desperately wanted children but couldn’t have them. It IS possible for me to be devoted to her.

Being devoted means being committed, it doesn’t mean I have to come up with all of the answers. It isn’t my job to be the “solutionist”, it is my job to be her companion. Sometimes all it takes is just being there.

The “M” Word

/ Hope and Dave / 1 Comment

Mom Blocks

Posted by Hope

Why would I take my pain public? I am not the only one to face infertility. Others live with the hurt I have, and much much worse. You may read this and wonder how or why I’d say the things I say. I’m positive if you were given this same set of circumstances, you’d be a superstar and rock this job like a champ! Me, I’m like the fat kid in gym class that is horribly uncomfortable in the spandex shorts and undersized tee! It’s gonna just kind of hang out there, y’all.

So many ways to make a family in this day and time. With technology and science, there are so many ways we can blend under one roof. Let’s not forget those who chose to be defined as a family without children. I received a reaction to my statement that Dave’s boys “are not mine” in my previous post. I will expand more on that point in a later post, but for now, know that there is a healthy understanding and respect for the title “Mom”. In their life, that position is filled.

On Friday, October 10th, my doctor sat across from me and explained that due to endometriosis I need to have a hysterectomy to address the horrible pain that is plaguing me. Since I couldn’t have children anyway, to him, it made sense to move this direction. This news sent me into a tailspin for days. I couldn’t think, sleep, eat or process a rational thought without applying extreme effort. I have exactly two weeks left to process the loss of my reproductive system. There is part of me that has been begging for this day for decades. Then, there is the woman deep down inside that is grieving terribly. You see, I wanted to have children.

I’d like to think that this means there’s a countdown to the sadness and when I emerge from that hospital on December 3rd that I will have left behind all of the pain. Gone will be the days of slipping into a fantasy about what my own child would have looked like, been named, what their voice would sound like and what they would want to be when they grew up. Left behind would be the dream of them running to me with a skinned knee and being the first person to celebrate moments of discovery with. I romanticize the idea of motherhood alright. In my heart, it is sacred. In my intellect and experience, I know better. I’ve watched the reality from a distance and laughed at the comedy of my fantasy. They talk back, ruin good furniture, change your plans and sometimes end up blaming you for all the things that go wrong in their life. Inevitably, that would’ve been my kid. The Alanis Morrisette song “Ironic” comes to mind when I think about the reality of how my whole Mommy journey would’ve gone.

The fact is that I am more than my body says I am. I have more than I will ever need. I have three little boys to impact with my love. I can be an example to young women in my sphere of influence, can speak into their destinies, provide counsel, guidance and become a “mother” to many. This is truth. But there are days, like today, when the reminder of that tiny package with my DNA on it will not be handed to me. That brings me back to the dark of the soul. The ache that hurts into my bones. Its weight can feel crushing and leave me physically spent.

Supernatural things happen in this kind of grief. It is only here, in hurt like today, that I can be reminded of what is needed to get me off of the floor. It is only by the strength of God that I can walk through a day like this knowing it is just a day and that the hurt will pass and life will move forward and I will be stronger tomorrow. I can allow myself these moments to purge the pain and then exhale, straighten once again and continue the march.

What awaits me? How long will it take to heal? Will I change? Well, I guess that remains to be seen. For now, I’ll take each moment as it comes. While I wait, I worship. Regardless of my pain, regardless of my preference, I worship.

Family UnPlanning

/ Hope and Dave / 2 Comments

Posted by Hope

Family planning is taught early in today’s public education arenas. Beginning in grade school, we learn the function of our sex organs and how they operate (…are supposed to operate). I don’t recall my teachers discussing any of the things that can disrupt fertilization or that conception is actually a complete timing miracle. My sisters and I were raised “not to”. Heavy petting could lead to pregnancy and dad would kill us. So, don’t. I spent most of my young adult life casually planning when my children would make their appearance. It didn’t go as I had planned.

I was told in the second year of my marriage, at the age of 27, that IF I wanted children, I’d better begin trying. After three months of negative tests, I started asking questions, then plunged headlong into two years of fertility treatments. I daydreamed of life as a mom and looked forward to my own brand of Brady Bunch chaos (funny, they were a stepfamily too).
Yes dear friends, I prayed, believed, had faith, fasted, had anointing oil poured on me and prophecies spoken over me all believing for complete healing. I broke curses, renounced unknown sin, repented until I felt bad for feeling human and still was not healed. Finally, after the last negative test result, I became suicidal.

That afternoon, I spent my time thinking about my death. I was shaken sober by my soul screaming that my body did not determine my value. I got up off of the couch, walked into the nursery that I had prepared and gathered up all of the parenting magazines, baby toys and a few baby books and threw them into the garbage. Shaken by the realization that I had sunk to that depth, I spent the next few months dissecting my life with God and made changes in my warped understanding of what a woman was supposed to BE. Through years of building an intimate relationship with God, He tenderly addressed my hurt. Don’t get me wrong, it still hurts. It hurts often, but in time, living with the hurt became easier by getting to know the God who walks through it with me. Even in this special place, it never addressed the big question……WHY?

Commuting home one day, I was pouring my heart out to God in worship. I was out of words, out of prayer, out of strength. As I sang aloud the words to the song that came on, I began listening to what I was singing, “You deserve it all. And I give everything. I have no intention of holding anything back from you.” I broke. The dam burst. I cried from the floor of my soul. As I emptied my grief onto my dashboard and cried with no sense of propriety, I realized in that moment, the WHY didn’t matter anymore. In that moment, the need to understand was of no consequence. I sat in the strong presence of the Lord, knowing that one day, I would understand it all, but it would be diminished in the light of eternity. I embraced the moment and allowed Him to replace my deep need, with Himself. I felt peace wash over me in that moment and the next few days following. Up until that time I felt like God owed me an explanation. If I was going to continue to give my life to Him, it seemed like a fair deal to ask Him to show me why the “Giver of Life” had CHOSEN not to give life to me. But when I was out of fight and in the raw broken place of hurt, it just didn’t even matter anymore. In the breathless place of grief, all I needed was Him. For my very life. And He responded, big.

Years later, as my first marriage died, God reminded me of that place as I navigated separation and divorce. I lived in a broken place for a season again, but this time, with the knowledge and awareness of His faithfulness and sovereignty. I eventually healed and found love again. My second husband has three sons. I am now a step mom. Many believe that I now have my “children”. Although they provide me with an inexhaustible opportunity to love, they are not mine. I am confronted with that regularly. Living in this delicate balance of vulnerability and selflessness has been a challenge. I have failed, but I have conquered too. I lose ground and gain it on a weekly basis. But the dance is so beautiful.

Sold Out

/ Hope and Dave / Leave a comment

sold-out3

Hope and I decided to start this blog in the middle of September. We set up the site, started a Twitter account for our blog, and were all set to get started. The following week, an opportunity came up for Hope that had an impact on her first post, and will have an impact on our family for a long time. She mentioned it here, and I want to use it as an example of what I believe the secret is to making a remarriage and a blended family work. That secret is simply this: be sold out.

We’ve now been married for a year and a half. It seems like time has gone into warp speed, but I can look back and see where we’ve made little decisions and big decisions that have had a positive impact on where our marriage and family is headed. Decisions like taking the time each week to sit around the table as a family and just talk. All five of us. Decisions like getting involved in a church after we moved to a new area. When Hope made the decision to go to the Stepmom Conference, it made an impact both on me and the children. That kind of decision sends a message: “I want to learn how to do this right, whatever it takes.” Making decisions like that ensures that there is positive momentum, which is important when negative forces come into play, and we all know that they do.

Being sold out to your spouse and family isn’t some new idea. This doesn’t only work for remarriages. We know that is how you make a first marriage work too. There are different dynamics in a step or blended family, but the principles are still the same. That being said, they are more difficult to implement in a remarriage because of loyalties to the children, the relationship with the “exes”, and all of the complications/drama that come from divorce. Hope and I have learned that we have to make each other the priority first, be sold out to each other, and that our relationship sets the tone for the entire family. If the children see any disharmony or disunity between her and I, the consequences of that would be immediate and damaging. That doesn’t mean that you have to agree all of the time, it means that when you disagree, you do it in a discussion that takes place without the children around. You keep the emotions out of it, you let the dust settle. Being sold out to each other and to your family means putting your desire to be right aside, making a commitment to come together to discuss the situation.

My mom passed away two weeks ago. Because of our custody arrangement, and the circumstances surrounding her death, Hope ended up being the first from our home to have any personal contact with the boys after her death. I was four hours away, and had been gone for nearly a week while my mom was on life support. Hope became the one responsible for picking the boys up after school and riding four hours with them as they dealt with their grandmother’s death. This is a tough situation for a step-mother to be placed in, yet she handled it perfectly. A lesser woman would have backed down, would’ve said “you need to drive home to get them, I can’t handle this.” Never once did I sense any fear from her, she remained sold out to the boys and to our family.

Being sold out to the family means being placed in difficult circumstances and handling it with grace. It means putting the fear aside and conquering whatever the situation is without letting your feelings get in the way. If you are struggling with your remarriage or your blended family because you operate in protective mode, it’s time to let your guard down. The only way to make it work is to make yourself vulnerable to your spouse, your children, and your step-children. When you’ve been divorced, this is tough because you’ve already been burned. Don’t let the scars from the past keep you from looking forward and seeing what is in store. Be sold out completely to making it work, and that will go a long way toward making sure that this time around you get it right.

Finger Peepers & Facebook Creepers

/ Hope and Dave / Leave a comment

Finger Peeper = It’s what I look like when I’m watching the Walking Dead.  You hear the music change to a minor key and watch with trepidation as long as possible until you can’t take it anymore and you cover your eyes but then get brave and extremely curious and spread a finger, or two, and take a peek to see if anyone survived. (spoken really quickly followed by a big dramatic breath)

finger peeper

Facebook Creeper = People who never post anything on Facebook but emerge randomly from the shadows.  You know, those people who will never like or comment on your posts, but will approach you with input about something you wrote weeks ago.  What about that odd co-worker (or family member) that you were guilted into adding as a “friend” but you’re pretty sure they stalk you.  Oooooorrrrr how about those folks that don’t feel like they have anything clever to say but will share their story or experience and blow your mind.

After I settled into my 750 sq ft apartment from my two-story home, the adjustment really started.  The shock of separation and pending divorce had passed by that time and the work to heal was well under way.  I chose to disengage from the internet all together.  Watching social media was torture.  My relocation meant new friends, new community, new history.  This was a giant blessing in my mind because that meant that I didn’t have to explain anything.  I didn’t have to hurt when someone asked me what happened to us.  It meant that I didn’t have to cry as much. In my mind, it was less painful that way.  You see, my life as I had always known it, as I had planned it, came to an end.  In a matter of weeks, what had carried on for ten years as normal, dissolved into a lifeless shell.  As I browsed my news feed and saw life went on for everyone else, it made me feel completely alone.  Pictures of landscape projects completed, birthday parties, family vacations and date nights seemed to show me that what “they” had, was no longer mine.  It got too painful, so I unplugged.

It was this same kind of pain that kept me from attending church.  Seeing families walking together, dining together, holding hands and being together, hurt.  I noticed how couples interacted.  What they did and didn’t do.  I was searching for clues as to what went wrong in my own marriage.  I listened as women described their relationships and watched as men accompanied their wives.  I tuned in to the language, both spoken and unspoken.

As I healed and life continued one day at a time, something began to happen.  Instead of being hurt by the normalcy of the pace of life, I began to miss it.  I logged back on after several months to learn of new births, new relationships, new jobs….and new separations.  I smiled at the good news of the lives represented that continued to plunge forward in their normalcy.  I also hurt with a new empathy at the news of broken hearts.  The shadow of obscurity seemed less of a protection, and more of an excuse.  I began to hope.  I began to understand the beauty of community and the joy of sharing my experience.  I could feel the life returning to me.

You know someone in your life who is doing what I did.  They have disappeared into the shadows and withdrawn.  Some people do it for a season, but others do it permanently.  Know that your life is unique.  Your story matters.  Your experiences help others.  But it is up to you to give them a voice.  Don’t ever underestimate the power of sharing your hurt.  You have no idea what your survival could mean to someone in the midst of a raging battle.  There will always be haters, but know this, haters have been hurt too.

When Your World Falls Apart

/ Hope and Dave / Leave a comment

Posted by Dave

2014-10-03 04.25.56The subject nature of this blog is remarriage and blended families. At its core, getting married again and shaping your new family has happened because of a divorce. No matter when or how it happens, divorce hurts. Even when good comes from a divorce, there are lifelong implications. Anyone involved in a divorce as a spouse or as a child (I’ve experienced it both ways) will be the first to acknowledge this. It never really goes away, however, it can be a turning point to a better future. The key to a successful remarriage is learning the things about yourself that caused the previous divorce, and learning how to deal with the pain that resulted. I want to share a resource with you that helped me do just that.

The response to Hope’s first post, along with a discussion that I experienced at a men’s small group this past week, have led me to go back to this most painful period of my life. Hope knows this well, I go back there a lot. Not in an unhealthy way, mind you. Not with regret, shame or guilt. I go back there to remind myself of what happened to a broken man, a man who needed to be broken to experience the things that were in store for him. If this is you, and at this moment you are feeling that pit of emptiness in your stomach, let me encourage you. Life is not over.

Allow me to quickly set the stage for you as a way to direct you to this resource that changed my life. My first wife informed me that she was done with our marriage and that she was moving out. Obviously, that statement doesn’t even come close to describing what led to this. As we all well know, it didn’t get to that point overnight. Regardless, I began walking through those very painful first days of separation, watching as my three sons (ages 3, 6, & 9 at the time) dealt with this in their own ways. Complicating matters is that I was in full-time ministry at the time, serving as the Associate Pastor at our church. The Senior Pastor felt the best thing was for me to stand in front of the congregation and explain what was going on. That Sunday is forever engrained into my memory. It was one of the most difficult days of my life as I looked out toward an auditorium of people, and spoke words that I never thought I would have to speak. Little did I know that my heavenly Father was getting ready to begin transforming my life.

Several days after this, opened my laptop to check my email, and received one of those e-blast emails that Christian booksellers use to advertise their latest deals. Normally, I deleted those emails before I even read them. The subject line of this one wouldn’t allow me to delete it. The title of the book was “When Your World Falls Apart” by David Jeremiah. The book is about how he dealt with his cancer diagnosis and treatment. I immediately clicked the link and bought the book. Inside those pages was some truth that was going to change the direction of my life.

In the coming months, I read this book twice. Once wasn’t enough. I can honestly say that besides the Bible, this book was one of the keys to helping me redirect the focus of my life. Here are a couple of excerpts:

“You find yourself in a crisis with no immediate resolution. You know this thing isn’t going away. You know that when you wake up tomorrow morning, and the morning after that, this matter will leap to the forefront of your mind as soon as you wipe the sleep from your eyes. Some problem has risen up like a great tidal wave from the depths, and it dominates your landscape. But if you’re like David, there is something behind that wave – or perhaps it is between you and the wave – and that thing is called hope.”

“Genuine praise, offered stubbornly in the face of adversity, makes no sense by any worldly calculation. That’s fine. There are deeper truths that don’t ‘make sense’ on the surface of things. God’s rules fly in the face of our logic. When we begin to praise God, not in response to prosperity, but in defiance to misfortune, we align ourselves with the deepest truths of the universe, the place where God dispenses deep wisdom and spiritual maturity. We unleash His victorious power in the world of pain and suffering. We create the environment where miracles occur.”

Since then, the book has been re-branded and reprinted. It is now called A Bend In The Road, which you will find is appropriate once you read the book. When people ask me how I made it through those days, I never recount it without mentioning this book and what was on those pages.

Maybe you are facing a separation or divorce. You’ve lost hope, you can’t see how life is going to go on from here. Don’t waste what God wants to do in your life through this period of time. Know that while there is plenty of finger-pointing going on and plenty of blame to go around, there is something inside of you that God wants to change. Go to counseling. Remove people from your life who bring negativity and feed into your pity. Learn to forgive. Learn to ask God to forgive you for the things you did to cause it, because no one is blameless. Spend $15 and buy this book. Read it and mark it up like I did. Put dates on the pages to remind you later of where you were when you read something that impacted you. In preparation for this post, I pulled my tattered copy off of the shelf. I looked at the dates and notes, and immediately, I was back “there”. Only now “there” means something much more to me than it did then.

Armed and Unashamed

/ Hope and Dave / 4 Comments

Posted by Hope

In a world where social media has fed the narcissism in all of us, there has also been a good use for it. Today’s technology allows us various ways to watch the best and the worst of families play out. What used to go on behind closed doors, is now displayed for all to judge on a daily basis. Oh my, how times have changed.

Three years ago, my life spiraled out of control. I suffered the devastating blow of separation and began the journey of divorce. Now, I am remarried and find myself a quasi-parent to three young men. In the time that has passed, I have felt the worst pain and the greatest joy of my life. Yet, I sense, some of the biggest hurt is yet to come.

Those of us in the Bible Belt learn how to manage life in the midst of that pain. We breathe deep, pray, read scripture and surround ourselves with friends who remind us to keep marching. But within all of us there exists a story of deep heartache. Sometimes that hurt has a life altering cost. In my battle with infertility, I have heard stories of unimaginable pain. Now, in the beginning stages of blending a family, I am reminded of the gut wrenching loss that families are walking through.

Psalm 34:4

This past weekend, I attended a step-mom conference to receive counsel on how to set myself up for success and create proper expectations for this role. This is my responsibility because adults make decisions that children are powerless to change. I want to be what they need for me to be to heal from their own pain and grow to trust again. As I listened to the speaker tell about how this conference came about, she said something that shocked me to my core. She said that she approached multiple church leaders about promoting this event in their church. Time after time she was met with the same response. Church leaders felt that by promoting this event about step families, it would cause confusion in the message they send to their congregation. Before I go off on that, let me say, I get that. So, to spare that soap box, I’ll ask this, what about those that had no choice? What about the kids? Adults made the decisions, adults suffered the consequences, but what about the children?

I will always carry the scarlet letter on my chest and in my psyche about the stigma that comes with being divorced. Working in ministry, I can’t escape that any day of the week. The Lord has taught me where to place my identity and I stand firm in the forgiveness and redemption that He extends me yet. I can deal with the rejection. But for my three step sons, it’s harder for them. She stated that children are two years behind adults in processing trauma. They are children, processing very adult issues. What do we do as a society to address their questions, hurts and fears?

Dave and I discovered a ministry that exists to help families walk the road of healing and blending which has been a life-line for us. I have been hesitant to post anything about this because, well, I know that we all are prone to silent judgement. Never in my life have I become more aware of my judgement than while walking through divorce. So, for the ones that aren’t strong enough YET, I want to let you know….I’m here. I know the pain. I am not ashamed of you. Learning to do life again will take everything you’ve got. Let me point you to an intimate relationship with Jesus Christ first. Without being solid in your identity in Him, I can assure you that it will be infinitely harder without this. Second, saturate yourself in truth from the word of God. Lastly, become familiar with Ron Deal and Laura Petherbridge. Read The Smart Stepfamily. The wisdom they poured into the pages of this book is invaluable. Do your family a favor and set up realistic expectations with appropriate and godly guidance.

We look forward with great expectation and rejoice in what God has already done.